


Endless Shuffle

by kalypsobean



Category: Edge of Tomorrow (2014)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, F/M, Kissing, implied/referenced PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:51:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8923183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalypsobean/pseuds/kalypsobean
Summary: It's her miracle, however it first happened, that she found him.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [livii](https://archiveofourown.org/users/livii/gifts).



II

Other people were given medals; they stood in front of rows of false smiles and were applauded.

She lost the very reason she had been singled out at all, and she was made the face of a campaign that she didn't understand, but that she knew was hopeless. There were a few who understood, who trusted her, but with the rest it was harder to make them believe her when she already knew what they were going to say.

He comes to her and she believes him, because he looks the way that she does when she sees her reflection.

 

VI

"I don't know," he says. "We never made it this far." 

She can't see any mimics, nor any vehicles.

"We can't split up," he says, just as she thinks they could cover more ground that way. "If I'm hurt, you have to reset." He sounds almost resigned to it, as if it's a fact that's always been true. "We should start at the ridge, the best cover's there."

"Sure we haven't been here before?" she says, as he dodges a rebar.

"I had a good teacher," he says, pausing to smile at her.

She wishes she could remember that instead.

 

III

When you find the one person who has lived the same thing you have, over and over, it feels like suddenly everything is possible because it's proof that you're real. 

She doesn't know how many times he's seen her die and still he comes back, as patient with her as she is with him. He is efficient, focused, succinct. He understands.

While she knows nothing about him, he knows her; she doesn't have to make small talk, because he already knows anything she's willing to say. 

It is comforting to not have to pretend, that he respects her so easily. 

 

X

There are times when she is lost, knowing that time is linear but unsure of her place in it; she exists in a parallel world, isolated.

He tells her how things don't change no matter what he does; he feels useless, as if it's proof he can't win, no matter how many times she tells him he must. 

Something resonates, and she gets in close, kisses him, just long enough to stop him talking. 

"Did that happen before?" she says.

"No, not exactly," he says, touching his mouth.

"Then things can change." 

She has to believe that, if nothing else.

 

VII

The little things matter now; taking on importance that they could never have had otherwise. It wouldn't have been done, before, to be close to someone only because they were there, and you didn't know if you'd have the chance again. 

Before, she'd had people who would care if she didn't live up to expectations, behaving according to standards of etiquette that were obeyed only out of habit.

A brief kiss, taken away before it had a chance to deepen, a reaction borne of a jubilation she didn't understand; that was to be treasured. 

The little things cost her, now.

 

VIII

She has to be ruthless, to make Cage understand. She knew how it was to remember, to repeat and fail, over and over, to carry the pain and grief as you spoke to people whom you'd seen die.

He acts as if they've shared something that she doesn't remember; he's gentle with her, as if he wants to protect her, as if he knows she won't break, but thinks she shouldn't have to.

He's distracted, a thing they can't afford; but she lets it go. For once, she's a person, not a poster.

She knows it won't last, it can't.

 

V

"How many times have we done this?" she says. 

"I don't know," he says back. She expected a number; he seems the type to keep track, both attentive to detail and quick enough off the mark. He's still at attention, but his eyes wander, as if he can't bring himself to make eye contact.

 _What happened that made you trust me so much?_ She's curious; she was interested before, but this - that he's so prepared to be vulnerable in front of her - is more intriguing than how easily he convinced her to train him, that he wasn't lying.

 

I

She thought she was the only one. How many times had the war changed tides before her? How many people were trapped in cycles they couldn't get out of, bearing the scars of able to remember but not able to change a thing, in the end. How many people had so many memories of the same trauma that they couldn't tell which one had stayed real? They had set her apart rather than let her go back to being nameless and uninfluential, and never let her forget, move on. 

 

She thought she was the only one, and now she isn't.

 

IX

There is nothing else.

There is Cage, there is her, there is them. She doesn't have time to think.

She used to have all the time in the world, and now, when she needs just a few seconds, she has none.

It doesn't feel like the first time between them; he doesn't have to adjust to kiss her back, nor does he pause. He doesn't try to deepen it, or to reach for her; it ends when she needs to breathe. 

"We'll pick this up later," he says, then he pulls her down, and a tentacle disintegrates over her head.

 

IV

There are times when she can't rest, still; when it's hard to believe that a shadow is only a trick of the light hiding empty air behind illusions. It's why she never stops, even though she doesn't have to fight, because all they need is someone to sell the suits, make it look simple, not like volunteering to walk into a temporal hell. It has to end.

If she had walked away, he wouldn't have found her, and she may never have had a chance to walk back out. It's her miracle, however it first happened, that she found him.


End file.
